人生は美しいです

Nothing Could Have Prepared Me For This

…….I don’t even know where to begin. I have such mixed feelings right now that I’m overwhleming myself with how to react and what to say and do. I’m in, almost, complete and utter denial of the whole thing. Is that healthy? I really don’t think so but it’s helping right now…..

My best friend of 6yrs, the one person who has never doubted me, who has never left my side, who I have always been able to count on without a worry of betrayal, who I trust more than anyone, and I mean ANYONE, in my entire life……Is leaving…..And for reasons I should be so proud of! And I am so so proud of him. I can’t even begin to tell you how proud and elated and truly, genuinely happy I am that he is going away to do what he has been wanting to do for years. But…..He’s leaving.

At first, I thought, ya know, he’d be gone from June 1st until the end of August. And this is true. However, after his graduation (which I will not miss, no matter what!), he ISN’T coming home for a few weeks like I thought. He goes straight to a Tech School until mid October and then he’s shipped out (I can’t even remember where. This was so much to take in suddenly.) until he comes home, on leave, for Christmas.

Christmas…..

I’m not going to TRULY see my best friend until Christmas……What am I going to do? I’m being BEYOND selfish right now but I’m not sure I can handle all this. Friends have come and gone in my life so abruptly, it has me worried that he may not think the same of me when he gets back. I trust him dearly and we’ve talked a bit about all this (As a matter of fact, about 10mins ago.) but I know that, whenever those I care about get a chance to think over their friendship with me, they…..I don’t know. They see something they obviously HATE about me and run. Not depart, not avoid, not even ignore. They make it very apparent that they want nothing to do with me and think so negatively of me, it breaks my heart……

And now, he’s leaving. I know that, eventually, I’ll learn to cope with his absence but what if he comes back and he sees me or I contact him and he goes “…Huh…….Well, she’s not the most important person I could be seeing now that I’m home.” I know I’m not but he’s the most important person I have in this world.

I’m scared. What if I need him? What if I have a meltdown and need HIM? Not just anyone, but him? It’s not his responsibility to make my life better but he does it so well without even trying…..I’ve spent my life trying to make everyone that has come un contact with me as happy as humanly possible. And there are some very ungrateful peoplewho have used, wasted, tossed aside, and just plain neglected my caring and love and affection. But he, not only, accepted my insanity with opens arms…..He supported it. And returned all the caring and love and affection. He did and does what no friend I have ever had did or does. We never lie to each other, we hide nothing, we treat each other fairly and equally. Hell, we even beat the crap out of each other once in a while! (Everyone needs that, sometimes, I think.)

I’m getting a little off topic here. I think it’s because I started typing this when I was crying and now I just don’t have the energy to cry anymore…..

We’re going to Six Flags a few days before he leaves. He has a Going Away Party this Sunday (that I’m not sure I can go to. I can’t handle that environment. The goodbyes and talk of him leaving? I’ll have a meltdown, I know it.), and then I’m gonna catch him one more day before he leaves, between the 28th and the 30th. Then……I can’t. I just can’t…….No amount of letters could ever make this ok with me. (But he better write me or, so help me, I will fly down there and kill him with a Ballpoint Pen!) I know everyone reading this thinks I’m being selfish but I am truly proud of him and I know this is what he wants. I’d be lying if I said I’m ok with this happening but I am, indeed, extremely proud of him.

My overall point of this blog was to ask my readers an important question:

Is there anything, and I mean anything, I can do to make this easier? I doubt it but I just need to ask someone. What am I capable of doing?

Quote of the Night

I haven’t done my quote in a while! =D So I’mma do one RIGHT now. Ready?

Kill’em with Kindness.

This becomes more and more believeable for me as each day passes. =3 If there’s one thing I am, it’s a genuine, kind, easy-going friend. ^_^ (I wouldn’t make a bad girlfriend either. ;D But that’s another story for another day! xD) So I just wanna use this quote today so show that I truly believe this holds true. =D So get out there and be kind! (Rewind? Yeah, whatever. xD)

I Wanna Dance

Like they do on Dancing with the Stars. Just sayin’.

Just Saw the Greatest Tweet Since…..

Well, since about 24hrs BUT ANYWAY!

My BFF is leaving Philly and is on her way home! =D I’m wiggin’ out! xD I know she didn’t want to leave but I promise, Club Girl, I will make your return home worth every ounce of missing you’ll have for the city! Don’t forget, you tweeted that we’d be performing some mischief this summer. ;D Plus, don’t think I’ve forgotten about that phone call from last night. ;3 Ya know, about what Robin suggested? Hahaha, love ya, girl.

Anyhow, tomorrow morning, I’m getting up, showering, and heading straight to her place to help her unpack. Not sure where I’ll be going from there. I still wanna go to the beach but she has work at 4 (I think?) and I wouldn’t make it back in time. Plus, Ry and Kel wanted to go to Wildwood tomorrow so I would like to at LEAST make it up to Ry. (Kelsei, you’re going Thurs, so I don’t feel as bad. xD)  Next week is suppose to be nicer so I’ll probably just take him next week. (With Angela and probably Kelsei, Rissy, and Lissy. Lol)

Moving on, I am BEYOND excited to have her be only a 5min drive from my house. Not that we won’t go to the city a lot this summer but I wanna go to Philly, New York, Busch Gardens Viriginia, maybe Baltimore (just so she’ll sing that song over and over and over again til I shove Starbucks in her face…..Then she’ll just sing it in a more awake tone. Ha! Just playing.), and the shore plenty of times. I’d like to stay a weekend with a few people too. I mean, she’s obv #1 on the list of people I want to go but there are a few more peoples that would ADORE a weekend trip to a shore of some kind. (Doesn’t have to be Wildwood. Cape May and Ocean City work too. =3)

Why do I have so many ()’s? Weird. Anyway, so that’s the greatest tweet I’ve heard. Angela saying goodbye to Philly and me saying FNDSJLFNVSADLKJFVSDKLA YOU’RE HOME!!!!!!

I wanna go over her house just to hug her but I think I can contain myself til morning…….Hopefully. We’ll have to see where the night takes me. xD

Missed you girl! Can’t wait to start our adventures! If you have any other ideas or plans you want to make, you know I’m the girl to take you there! =3 Love ya and I’ll see you tomorrow! <3<3<3